The Tao Of Spider

I lay here in bed after a long day of healing, in the pitch dark save the bedside lamp that emits light about as appropriate as a single tea-light candle. The mood is perfect for contemplation. The Shins hum somewhere in the distance. One thing that bed rest supplies you full of is a good sense of self-reflection and self-conversation.

As I gaze upward towards where I wish the stars would be, my eyes innately trail the only moving feature in their view. It's the eyes job to do such a thing, a natural defense from being poked out, I suppose. That feature just so happens to be a faint little spider making his way across my ceiling. Ewww... you say. Fascinating... I say.

This spider, no larger than a pencil eraser, attempts his journey with such intent and purpose. I admire that, all the well knowing that this little creature has about as much of a brain as my little finger does... maybe less.

He stops momentarily. For what? To reroute? To flee? To buy his girlfriend flowers?

This absolutely seemingly meaningless venture proves to me that we all have natural needs and desires to meet, whether we have a brain large enough to perceive them or not. I seem to think that I know what I want and what I need, but deep down there is a smarter me that is making all of the right decisions, even when not so transparent decisions are seen to be made.

There are so many moments where I feel defeated, like my life is stuck, at a standstill, a standoff. Who's going to pull the trigger first? But, in actuality, my life continues just as before, just as always. There is no moment that the little spider doesn't PHHHHTTT PHHHHTTTT PHHHHHHT his 4-sets of legs with purpose. Same with me. Just because my life is proceeding in a sub-ordinary fashion to all current witnesses, doesn't mean for a second that it is all for loss.

I am no less here now than I was two months ago, or two months from now for that matter. And as long as I remain alongside that little spider, my wheels will continue to spin in one way or another and life will, once again, surprise me.