The Midst of Accomplishment

Today, an essay that I wrote back in December was finally published! It is a "This I Believe" essay. Time seems to fade away ever so slightly in the midst of accomplishment.

I wrote this piece as one of my "projects" and had nearly forgotten about its presence until I received an email about it this morning. It was fun to reread and reflect on the specifics of that time period. Although I'd never like to go back to that determined point, it is ever so necessary that it existed in the first place.

My Future, Backwards.

Something that has been circling in my mind as of late is the notion of one's experiences through time. There are journeys and travels. There always is a first for everything, as well as a last. There are memories of things that have never been. There are feelings of familiarity and nostalgia. There is a time for it all.

Lately, my tiny spotlight has been positioned upon those experiences that are presently occurring, reminding you of a past in which felt completely different.

For example, I have a fond memory of me getting lost on a non-specific New Year's Day through the winding roads of the mountains. Panic had set in, not because of my unknown surroundings, but rather because my gas gauge was shining it's little orange light indicating the necessity of a gas station. There was none in sight. Finally, I convinced myself to turn around the the way I had come; for there was a gas station in this small town I passed nearly 20 minutes ago. The station was closed, but luckily the owner of it was bored and saw me pull in. He turned on the pumps just for me. Needless to say, that small town was Kittredge... the town that I currently call home. That winded highway... the road that my property looks out to, a road I journey nearly everyday and could, most likely, do so without eyesight. The gas station... one of only a few places in town to buy essentials and chat up the weather.

I think of this story at times when I come across a new adventure or highway, wondering if it will, somehow, in the future be part of my life. This backwards sort of logic has been sort of fun when fantasizing about my future and future instances.

Looking at life backwards to look toward the future is something that makes sense to me, for whatever reason, and it's comfortable. I suggest a sampling of your own. I guess it's just another perspective to dive into, to see all angles of light that projects onto you.

On Being Healed

Healing is a concept not only reserved for the body, but for the mind as well. This concept refers to a state in which either your body or brain are slowly returning to its natural state of normal.

My healing has been an ongoing process for over a year now. Whether in brain or body, my healing has consumed me. It has been so difficult pretending to live a normal life while feeling like there is healing yet to happen.

Today, however, I am exclaiming to the echoes in the mountains, the stars in the sky, and the fish in the sea that I am HEALED!

It has been so long since I have had this sort of confidence. I am incredibly empowered and am ready to put my health issues behind me. And even more so, I am not frightened that new issues lie around every sneaky corner.

With all of that said, I am off to regain my life back. Perhaps a walk around the lake will help jump-start this new existence...

The Path That Leads You

I have always been a firm believer in fate. And in my head, that fate looks like paths outlined in finely grained dirt the color of adobe brick, surrounded by tall reeds of glowing grasses dancing in an imaginary breeze.

Throughout my life thus far, I have faced many forks in the road, many a windstorm erasing the dirt path underneath me, and many sun-shiny paths awaiting my arrival. I never fret about the path to take, for I feel like it is decided already and will be the right choice no matter what.

So long as you are willing to pay attention on the steps that you make as you walk down that path... left foot, right foot... you are reflecting upon the experience, which is the whole purpose of it all anyway.

The path is the most important part of life. It's the journey that takes you there. The "there" doesn't really matter in the end. It is the "left foot, right foot" thing that makes all the difference.

Magic Happens Every Day...

...if you are brave enough to see it.

Open your eyes to the wonders of the world. Explore beyond your mind. Explore into your mind. There are endless possibilities for happiness, growth, strength, and opportunity provided that you are keen to understand both sides of the story.

Be brave, be open, be you.

A Brave New Blog

My mind has been consumed lately with the fantasy of swimming. Of becoming exactly what I never knew I could be. Those thoughts are with me as my eyes first establish their morning squint. Those thoughts are with me as I parade around my laundry basket. Those thoughts are with me while riding my bike in fabulous circles through the park. Those thoughts also find their way to my dreams.

I have to follow it. I have to go for it and try something that I never felt possible. And because of it all, I had to find a way to share it all.

Please visit my new training blog at:

Ryan Is Tryin'

The Path Through Communication

Communication is one of our most powerful tools. It sets humans apart from most other organisms in the way we verbalize, cue, and create languages suited for describing emotion.

I have always been a strong advocate for utilizing communication within all relationships; however, I had (in my past) neglected to note the power that hid within reaching out and communicating with people that are outside of your personal comfort.

Just today I have I been reminded of that power having sought out an old coaching acquaintance for some potential personal and professional help. The request was nabbed with open arms and I am so excited to be receiving assistance in such a gracious manner. (**more to come on this later!)

Nevertheless, this experience reminds me of the very first time I reached out to communicate with a total stranger. I blindly contacted the director of an organization that I felt passionate about. That email turned into an afternoon of tea, which turned into being introduced to her children and husband, which soon became a sort of kinship that I have never knew I was missing before.

These instances of communication, I feel, are a way of possessing my own destiny while ensuring that the path I've chosen is in the right direction at the right time. It feels really good to take a leap to communicate with someone new and have it directly create a path that you know has actually been there, hidden by layers of earth and green, all along.

Lessons In Failing

Out of everything that I am sure of, I know that the lessons that we learn and take with us are the things that create LIFE. Everything else is just extra STUFF that keeps us either entertained or distracted.

With that said, I have learned a very valuable lesson that (I believe) was actually crucial in being able to continue on living with a smile, clinking my lucky penny alongside my heart-shaped tin of hope, while skipping and whistling the theme song to "It's A Wonderful Life."

This lesson, I now realize, could only be achieved through a blast of great darkness. Over a year ago, being placed on indefinite bed rest and forced with the thought of not being able to heal, I felt hopeless... motionless... guideless..........................scared.

For the first time in my life, even through previous tumbles and falls, my body did not have the power or will, or both, to heal itself. No matter the medication. No matter the meditation. My body had failed in a big way. The infection had won and without the blessing of modern medical conveniences, my body would have surrendered entirely to a solider with one simple name: Bacteria.

As much as I tried not to focus on the fact that my body had failed in such a manner, it was extremely distressing. If my body were to give up so easily this time around, how many more chances did I have left? The entire experience was shuddering.

Shoved strategically to the darkest lobes of my brain, those thoughts appeared to fade once the surgeries had done the jobs that my body couldn't and I began to regain the life I had once known.

Fast-forward seven months and there you have another moment of failure. If I were my body's biology teacher, they'd be out of intramurals for sure, meeting at my round table every lunch period just to raise it's grade. This failure put my mind exactly back to the place I was before. Scared and untrusting of its power and will to endure any sort of natural healing.

However, after giving my body those tools it needed: nourishment, water, sleep, vitamins, exercise, love, respect, confidence... it finally responded.

This time, my body told me that it would not let me down. It was not going to fail me again. My body, with all of the power and teamwork of healthy cells, proved to me that it's not over. That the remarkable human body doesn't have to cease to amaze me, or anyone else for that matter. It will be there, doing its job, if you let it... and trust it.

Now that I have that impression of the capacity and capabilities that my body HAD in store for me, I can only wonder and dream about the possibilities that STILL lie ahead.

Take Your Marks

If you tell yourself something enough, those words become feelings and those feelings then, in turn, slowly become truth.

This cycle can be quite useful when telling yourself something goal-oriented or wise, and conversely quite detrimental when based upon pessimism and defeat. I never quite realized this applied to me because, ironically enough, I had told myself the same phrase so many times that it became a piece of me: like that scarf you always wrap your neck with or the wristwatch that gave you a matching tan.

This phrase, my phrase crept up on me shortly after becoming paralyzed. I never noticed it outwardly, but the feelings were immediate.

The phrase? You ask? "I could have been a good swimmer. I could have really gone somewhere, if I would have taken that opportunity to realize it while I still had the chance."

Even while I attempted to compete again nearly a decade ago, those words swam right along with me. Perhaps those words were all I had between me and actual competitive and mental victory.

It wasn't until a few weeks ago-- not to mention two bouts of bed rest and many notions of health shock-- that I realized something within me, that I created, was acting as a barrier. A barrier that had been present almost longer than not.

As I pushed my arms against the staircase descending into the water, I plunged my entire body and soul until I was completely submerged. At that point, it was just me and the water. Sounds coming from that conch shell of my mind followed the bubbles from my mouth. I was, in that exact moment, alone in the world with nothing but myself.

And what did I tell myself? That I COULD have been something. That I COULD have made it. That I COULD have accomplished it all.

For the first time ever, I told myself to be quiet.

I returned my focus to the bubbles and the conch shell. It was then, and only then, did I realize that it is NEVER TOO LATE...

I CAN be something. I CAN make it. I CAN accomplish it all.

And so here I sit, ready to compete again. I am ready to prove to myself and no one else that I can do the very thing that I have created previous barriers against. It may only be swimming, but to me it is a very crucial start in the right direction.

This new strength of potential achievement leaves me with, not only the contentment of a new project, but also with the excitement of (literally) uncharted waters. And with that, I pull harder than I ever have before. I push myself to want to stop. I set short-term goals for an upcoming meet in CA. I make this happen.

A Promise

In sharing the afternoon with a friend, I realized something VERY important pouring out of my mouth...

I was reminiscing about my time spent in India and the self-appointed job of daily blogging, when I suddenly realized how crucial that writing was to me at that time. I also realized that nothing within me has changed so to make that event any less important. Having a moment at the end of my every day to reflect on that particular day's worth is such a fantastic way to stay connected with your mind, body, and the rest of the Universe.

With that said, I can't promise to write everyday... but what I can promise to myself is a greater consciousness of reflection upon the experiences that combine to make up a single day in the life.