Growing Up Takes Time

Growing up is something that happens to everyone, if they are lucky enough. It comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes. It becomes a drastically different concept the closer you are to reaching it. It is fantastically uncharted territory that everyone dreams about on some level. It is scary.

If we were to pause and take a flashback into a time where I was too young to drive, too young to have a mortgage, and too young to be disappointed we would see the half-my-current-age me longing for nothing more than to ace my dreaded biology final and buy that awesome shirt at the mall.

That same Ryan would also be dreaming of her future like any other teenager would. It is so remarkable how those ideas tend to change through time by the hands of your experiences alone.

Beyond myself, I would gaze into the future of my friends. I would wonder about their existences and mine down the road. Would we still be in each others' lives? Would we all be happy?

Over the past two weekends I have spent some time gazing into the current futures of my friends. I have been to the baby shower of a beloved friend and the engagement party of another; both of who were bound to me with something stronger than blood that night over 13 years ago that changed everything.

To watch these friends grow and change and add to their lives in the form of companions, family, friends, and now babies I couldn't help but feel a beaming from my heart. These strong and deserving friends of mine are growing up. They are beginning new journeys that will take them very far for a very long time. I am so proud to even witness it.

As for me? I am still searching. I am sort of realizing that part of my path is to remain a searcher. For some reason I need that unbalanced side to keep everything in place. I am growing up, just not the way that I had particularly fantasized about so long ago. However, this life that sits before me is, undoubtedly, a comforting mix of chaos and drawing outside of the lines.

I appreciate it everyday, so much that I have wholeheartedly stopped fantasizing about the future.