Renewed, Uplifted, and Alive

As the dust begins to settle, my eyes are far less squinted and I can faintly make out the silhouettes of the dreams and loved ones that have kept me going. Until now, I didn't quite grasp the depth of the hole that I was in-- a hole that was dark and unwilling to cooperate with time.

Now, however, it is a new day. Physically signified by the lack of night sweats and fatigue. Emotionally by the bold laughter ringing out the door of my vocal cords and resting ever so gently on my tongue, just long enough to embrace the experience. Mentally present is the cerebral overload of things to come-- all of those little adventures get lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

I am renewed.

As I lie here in my hospital bed built for a queen, I smile rather vividly, for the fact that I know the battle is over and I have won. At a time when I felt most defeated, I was actually being coached on the most raw of emotions one could ever imagine... and for that, I am stronger now.

I am uplifted.

Every day spent is a day closer to being whole again. I can feel how close I am to a health that I once knew, and something (gulped with guilt) taken for granted. I vow here and always, from this moment on, to forever remember the little gifts that are handed out and mostly remain unseen.

I am alive.

My roots lie deep into the earth and the sun is, once again, shining for me; creating shadows of memories and things yet to be discovered. I am ready to grow again and take in all that this tiny, little world has in store.

The only regret and shame felt is the notion that one has to feel such pain and loss to truly be able to stand up. I am here to remain tall and proud. I am here to feel it all.