Grandma's Rings

For those who know me, you know that I wear--almost obsessively--a wedding band and ring on the wrong finger (of course). These rings were my great-grandmother's wedding rings and a gift from my grandmother who passed a little over 2 years ago.

I cherish these rings, not only for their history and family connection, but because it became a sort of silent mantra sung to me everyday in the voice of my grandmother. I spend my days twirling the rings around my finger, because apparently my great-grandmother had hands more reminiscent of a great-grandfather. Being so fearful of wearing diamonds, I check my hand multiple times a day, making sure that I didn't lose them or break them or ruin them.

And then it happened...

I lost one of the diamonds in the band. The last one of five, to be exact. I was sick, I am sick about it... but it got my mind churning once again as it does when little instances poke in my life. I am sure there is meaning behind this event.

So, I lost a stone. It's not the fact that it looks tacky or unfinished. It's the fact that I lost a part of my grandma and great-grandma with it. Please, it has nothing to do with the cost of the diamond or the cost to fix it for that matter. It is simply about me losing a piece of something so precious to me.

But... what is lost? Losing this stone didn't cause me to lose any memories from before. Losing this stone didn't take me any further from my grandmother in my mind. And on some level I can relate this instance to my recent health matters.

I am so tormented by having this infection and being sick, like a part of me has been damaged and lost in the process. Not the "true" ME, but the aesthetic ME... the diamond-band-with-a-missing-stone ME. But having this physical lesson in loss with the ring, I have come to realize how much your mind and spirit can take precedence over your body. Yes, my body is damaged and yes, it will most likely be damaged for good... but what does that mean? Nothing. Nothing, other than all of the knowledge I have gained from the experience. Nothing, other that all of the insight that has fed my soul.

So hear I sit, hole in my ring, hole in my butt. No better, no worse for having so. For physically, I maybe be struggling; but as long as I have my mind to balance things out, I will ALWAYS be okay.