2 Be Or Not 2 Be

I am scheduled-- as scheduled as things are here-- for a procedure starting this Wednesday, we think. Actually, two procedures... yes, I am so lucky to get the 2-For-1 Deal here at NuTech MediWorld!!

Both procedures are familiar to me, seeing as I had both at least once during my first stay in the summer. One being the 3-day procedure where they will be inserting a catheter into my spinal column to be able to feed a slow flow of cells, twice daily, to nourish my entire body virtually one cell at a time. The second procedure is the dreaded lumbar puncture, in which this case Dr. Ashish assures me it is far less traumatic an experience since they have been using smaller needles. I will always believe Dr. Ashish.. so with my breath held at tightly pursed lips I am ready to go.

This also means, however, that I will be unable to communicate via computer for the next several days, but solace is always a good start for rejuvenation and healing... so don't worry too much.

I am a little worried, though, about the potential outcomes, or rather the opposite. Dr. Ashish and many other patients have sold me on the notion that putting these two procedures together offers the optimal benefits... but what if my optimal benefits are optimally lacking? It is a hard teeter-totter of emotion that I always reside: I want to do well for myself, but,even more willingly, I want to do well for others.

I want to have people proud of me. I want to stand out in the crowd for my accomplishments, and something like this procedure falls right in suit with those thoughts. I want to be able to come out of this as a stellar example of how well treatments like these work, and I can hope (for all of us) that my body will take kindly to those foreign cells that they are to meet in only a matter of days.

I suppose that I put a lot of pressure on myself for wanting to please others, I have always been that way. Many times, actually more like thousands of times I have been told that being that way is not good for anybody-- and to more than an extent, I agree. But apparently not enough to change my ways entirely.

So, I suppose it all comes down to me worrying about a procedure-- not because of any potential danger on my body-- but instead because of any remote possibility of my body not doing the best for me and everyone else around me. Silly, I know. Deep down I know that my body will do all that it can.

From here I know that I can speak to my body a little more clearly than in the past, and this time I know that it is ready to heal and ready to grow. Little cells, enter in and take a seat... you'll be here for awhile (if I have anything to say about it).

To everyone sitting back home waiting and reading my daily ponderings: this one's for me-- okay, sort of.