Day 26

About 10 months ago my life, as I knew it, was transformed into something very dark and very scary. From that point on, I spent everyday wishing for a new one until I found my health again.

Throughout this time, small glimpses of the true meaning of life became slowly apparent to me. Imagine throwing a handful of confetti into the air and watching it fall at half the speed. Once I regained my physical self back, my mental and emotional self had changed. I now realize, with much more clarity, the benefits of treating each day as if there weren't another. I realize that the world is right in front of me to go out and explore.

With my new sense of self and living I am armed with one of the most powerful tools in all of the world: motivation.

In the last few months I have spent most of my time attempting to grasp who I am and who I want to be. Without teaching and coaching to occupy me and pull me back into reality, I was left wandering inside my head. Daily conversations with my own synapses left me acknowledging a great need for change in my current game plan. Not knowing what sort of change ought to occur, my wandering increased and my abilities to carry on coherent conversations with others decreased at a rapid pace.

What does change look like?

After searching far and wide, I have determined that a change IS in order. I hoped very heavily that the change would come naturally, without effort, and I would live happily ever after. However, I am not sure it should be so easy. There are so many areas of my life that I could alter, but what would be the brightest path to travel? So, today I thought I would take a giant leap down a path and see where it may lead me.

Today I filled out an application to obtain a teaching certificate in British Columbia. From what I have researched, it is both a fairly simple process as well as a complex stack of fill-in-the-blank papers. Now, before some of you panic about me becoming a Canadian citizen (Mom, Kels, and Grandma)... I am doing this as a trial, mostly. I want to explore some options with the full-knowledge that I can always turn around and go back from where I came. That is the beauty of this change. I am completely confident in knowing that if I make the wrong choice I can always go back here.

You may be wondering, "Why this?" Here is the simplest explanation I can muster without showing too much of my current psychoses: In the physical and emotional wandering that I have been experiencing, I have begun to think that one of the easiest ways to transform your life and challenge your current existence is by removing yourself from your comforts. Truth be told, I am at an age where the crossroads are getting further down the horizon and I will be left with fewer options as I wait. I am not saying that I am entirely ready to take this leap; however, I can say that I am ready to explore it.

With all that said, I know I'd make a pretty good Kanuk, eh?