Day 7

I can hardly believe that I have been doing this for a week, yet--at the same time-- I can hardly believe it's only been a week. I feel like I have learned so much AND there is still so much to learn. So I keep trying...

Just a few moments ago (barely meeting my deadline), I returned home from a night out with friends. Much of the night was spent brainstorming possible experiences for me to ensue today... with hardly any say from me at all. I had it in mind what I was going to do once I returned home; however I continue to remain open to chance opportunities that may come my way throughout a given day.

There were suggestions of stealing a ladder that was clearly marked in permanent writing that it was not to be stolen. There were suggestions that I try a new food. There were suggestions about me licking a toilet. NONE of these were sufficient enough nor followed the vague rules that I have for this project, most likely outlined by my heart more than my head.

So there it was, I came home without having stolen, eaten, or licked so much as an ice cube. Tonight's lack of entertainment (apparently by me for my friends' disposal) left me with a task that I sort of feared, yet sort of anticipated would be a beneficial step in my journey.

I decided to write to any person that was considered, at one time or another, to be a close friend in my life that somehow expired without much resolution. I came up with four very qualified candidates for this assignment-- and I truly hope there weren't more. I spent the past hour composing email letters of gratitude, condolences, and goodwill for each of them. Each letter becoming exponentially harder than the one before.

I attempted to keep each letter brief, in hopes of being clear and true... in hopes of being as fair as I knew how to the receiver of such an experience.

Perhaps it is selfish of me to use this project and my own piece of mind to try to put a resolve on matters in the past. I just hope that each individual can see my desperate yearning to provide closure on wayward friendships that dissolved long ago.

From this experience, I think I have gained a better understanding for the human privilege. It is a privilege to be an animal that can express itself so precisely and so readily... although I fear that as we age our ability to maintain those constant expressions of emotion wither. I feel better for having the ability to acknowledge each of these people as an important part of my past: those people that really help shape who I am today-- sitting in front of a computer screen reflecting on brief moments that could otherwise be forgotten and lost to the PAST. I hope that each recipient of those emails can understand my intention for writing and can feel even a glimpse of my human privilege of expression. I hope that they can, too, have more closure and respect for friendships of long ago. Sometimes it is so hard to face things that are vulnerable to one's memory of themself...